All my Life to Sacrifice : A 'Pride' Sidestory
by Jezz-Ra
Summary: An exploration into the relationship of Sesshoumaru and his father when Izayoi comes into the scene. Intended as a sidestory for my massive fic 'Pride" but it could stand alone.


All my Life to Sacrifice - A sidestory for Pride (in the Name of Love)

Written by Jezz-Ra

Warnings - Violence, death, angst (LOTS of angst)...a little bit of language.

Disclaimer - I don't own Inuyasha, don't make money off it. Wish I did.

The main story 'Pride (in the Name of Love)' can be found under my author profile at any of my archive sites.

Archived at - inu. adultfanfiction. net, fanfiction. net, and mediaminer. org ::: Anywhere else, ask!

Questions or Comments? - Email me at megami _ no _ remon hotmail. com ((remove spaces))

// blah // indicates thoughts.

A/N - My original plotbunny for this 'Pride' sidestory is credited to my reader zc701011 from FFnet, although I am not sure this is what they really had in mind lol. As per usual, if anything I say flies in the face of IY canon...consider it creative license. Spoilers for the start of the third movie abound. In fact, I copied some of it word for word, with a few extras thrown in.

Also note that I do not know the nature of Toga and Sesshy's mother's relationship. If it was revealed in a canon fashion...too bad. This is my version, for my world as it is in my main epic story 'Pride - in the Name of Love' to color the motivations of my take on the characters. If you haven't read it, you should. If not...well, this one could stand alone I suppose....but is intended to be more 'Pride' history.

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Sesshoumaru cursed his father's name for what had to be the millionth time since he was put in this miserable predicament. His father had left him in charge for a whole three months. The thought of being in charge and being acting Lord of the West was not, in and of itself, unappealing or even all that daunting. After all, even though he was still young by demon standards, he had been groomed for this role since he was able to walk.

At first, the thought of being acting Lord for such a long period of time had pleased him. After all, in the past, the longest he had ever run the show was for a little over a week. Sesshoumaru even had a petty, petulant thought that it would be good to get his lovesick father out of his hair for a while as well. He grew tired of hearing him sigh and stare off into the distance, his mind distracted by this HUMAN he had somehow fallen for.

The mere thought of his father...his father, the most powerful taiyoukai in the land, possibly all the world...mating with a HUMAN was enough to curl Sesshoumaru's lip. A human. How utterly disgraceful. She should not even warrant a glance, let alone all of his father's attention. Of late, Toga had hardly been able to concentrate on dealing with his duties as Lord. He was always worried about what she was doing, if she was alright, when he could make time to see her again...

Sesshoumaru sighed ruefully and set his pen down on the massive desk, leaning back in the overstuffed leather chair and massaging his temples. His father's scent was strong here, and it was both soothing and distracting at the same time. Gold eyes flicked over to the corner to the couch that he himself typically occupied. While his father worked at the desk, even since he was a tiny pup, Sesshoumaru would sit on the comfortable couch and quietly observe meetings, nap, read a book, or otherwise occupy himself. He enjoyed Toga's presence. Everyone else....well. They were not worthy. Sesshoumaru had no desire for the companionship of the other denizens of the castle.

But still...despite his confidence in his abilities, he currently felt like a little boy pretending to be king. He was treated with condescension from almost everyone he had to deal with, as if they were simply humoring him while he played Lord. It was maddening.

The worst thing about ruling in his father's stead was holding court. It had not taken the visiting lords and other petitioners long to realize that they actually got to speak directly with Sesshoumaru. True, Sesshoumaru had sat in on many, many of these court sessions with his father, even run one on occasion himself, but...this was different. None of the outside lords had ever had him as a captive audience to speak to or knew when he would be present.

This led to Sesshoumaru's subsequent discovery that he was, apparently, the most eligible bachelor in all the lands. Instead of dealing with petitions and requests, he was suddenly plagued by the parents of seemingly every eligible demoness in all the land, and frequently the demonesses themselves. All of them simpered and fawned over him, a wide spectrum of powdered and posturing creatures. The boasting was tremendous, and he had lost count of how many times he had heard of what wonderful assets could be his, if only he would choose THIS one...! Many of the parents had even tried to bribe him to wed their daughters.

The girls themselves often wanted him for the same reason their parents did - his wealth, power, and lands. To be mated to one of the House of the Inu no Taisho? Oh, it was a tempting prospect indeed. Of course, the fact that he was gorgeous and had always been untouchable, silent, mysterious...that made his allure all that much stronger. The displays of seduction ranged from coy and demure to shocking. A few had even attempted to physically throw themselves at him.

The flow of eligible females eventually subsided, and Sesshoumaru was left to breathe a small sigh of relief. His reprieve proved to be short-lived, however. Once word got out that Sesshoumaru had not been remotely interested in a single one of the prospective demonesses, he was hit with a new flood of prospective mates as the lords tried to foist their sons off on him. Sesshoumaru was EXCEPTIONALLY growly at the ones that insinuated that their sons could be dominant if he was, y'know, into THAT sort of thing instead. The insinuation that he was anything other than a powerful alpha male left more than one lord bloody and shocked to leave with their lives. As if Sesshoumaru would submit to ANYONE...well, besides his Lord Father...but that was wholly different and difficult enough to do as it was.

Sesshoumaru knew, too, that a large part of his ire was due to the reason his father left and not just the fact that his father left. Toga had finally decided it was time to bring his mate home to his castle, and he wanted to spend some time with her besides. He knew as well as Sesshoumaru that he had been distracted of late and the only way he could see to cure it was to have his mate around where he could see her and care for her. Then he wouldn't have to worry about her so much.

Sesshoumaru growled angrily at the thought, though at least part of his ire was anger at his own irritation and anger. He hated, HATED to admit that sharing his father's attentions...with anyone, human or not...it made him jealous. He had never had to share. His father and him had been inseparable for as long as he could remember, leaning on each other for companionship. His father HAD tried to make him socialize with others, had tried to get him to think about seeking out a mate... but had eventually relented when Sesshoumaru made it clear he wasn't interested.

In fact, the recent...foolishness...his Lord Father had displayed had only served to reinforce Sesshoumaru's earlier decision about mates and mating. He had decided he would NEVER allow his instincts and a silly thing like lust rule him. It was distracting and he had seen innumerable times where lust or love had destroyed one's ability to think clearly and resulted in poor decisions. So Sesshoumaru had convinced himself he was above such petty things as physical desire. Should the time come where he had found a mate worthy of him or was forced to take a mate, he would deal with it then, learn about physical pleasures and all the idiocy they produced then. He had neatly packaged up his libido into a nice little mental box, locked it, and kicked it into a corner...and he had never regretted it. It was easy not to miss what you had never had, after all.

Tonight was the night his father was to return. In fact, he should be here shortly...with his human. Sesshoumaru felt vaguely guilty at all the dark thoughts he had in regards to this Izayoi...really, he should be happy that his father had found someone to love after so long. This human woman made him happy in a way Sesshoumaru had not seen him happy before. But ultimately, he just couldn't do it. Never before had he suddenly felt second-best to someone in his Lord Father's eyes. In fact, tension between the two of them had increased and their relationship had grown a bit strained. Secretly, it hurt Sesshoumaru to think that his five hundred odd years of unfaltering love and devotion were suddenly not as important as a few months of affection from another.

He resented her, this human. He resented her existence, resented that she could make him even in part resent his father, resented that she could affect their relationship. The fact that she was human was just icing on the cake.

With another growl, Sesshoumaru attempted to drag himself out of his own thoughts and focus on the task at hand. He had several missives to deal with before his father arrived.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Oh! Is that your castle, Toga? It's amazing...!"

Toga smiled at Izayoi affectionately. He loved her innocent and heartfelt joy and awe at all the new things he had shown her on their way here. She was a very warm and gentle individual. "Yes, that is my home...our home." His expression turned a little darker and he sighed.

"Is something troubling you, love?"

"Well...as I've said, you will be meeting my son..." Toga trailed off for a moment. "My Sesshoumaru...is not the most...social of creatures. In fact, please don't take it personally if he treats you with all the warmth and affection of a glacier."

"Oh, it is alright. I'm sure he'll come around in time."

Toga smiled slightly. "I wouldn't count on it. I... I can not properly describe him to you in a positive light. No one knows my pup as I do, because he refuses to allow anyone else to know him. Oh, Izayoi, I have tried...but he has absolutely no interest in the company of others. He did not want to play with or associate with other children when he was a tiny pup, and he does not care to talk to his peers now. No one bothers to try anymore, really. They assume he's got a heart of ice." A sigh escaped the taiyoukai's lips. How to make someone else understand the complicated puzzle that was Sesshoumaru? "Know that he is not so cold and unfeeling as he may seem."

"I'm sure everything will be fine, my love. Come, I am eager to see your castle!"

With a grin, Toga put thoughts of his pup from his mind and took Izayoi's arm to give her a tour.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sesshoumaru almost snarled at the knock on the door. Damn it all, this scroll had to be carefully worded...that tricky bastard, Kanjiro, the eastern lord... Sesshoumaru's golden eyes flicked to the door as it opened without waiting for him to approve entry, although that meant it could only be one individual.

"Greetings, my Sesshoumaru. I have missed you."

"My Lord Father." Sesshoumaru bowed his head slightly. He was aware of the bitter ice in his tone but did not bother to hide it. He was in a dreadful mood and blamed it largely on Toga. // Not that it matters. Now that he has his little human bitch here, what use will he have for me? //

Toga frowned. Things were off to a poor start already. He knew, to a point, where the roots of this problem 's jealousy was plain for him to see, as well as his obvious disdain for Izayoi being human. Something else was obviously irritating the boy, although he couldn't put his finger on it. He knew Sesshoumaru was very territorial and possessive, and that he himself was one of the things that fell into his pup's short list of things he cared enough to claim. He had never minded, before. It was one of the ways Sesshoumaru silently showed his love. He would never say it, never so openly admit to feeling such emotions as he considered them beneath him. Demons, he had stated, did not need feelings.

Toga closed his eyes and took a breath. Territorial or not, his precious puppy was just going to damn well have to get used to the fact that he was mated to this woman and learn to share. "I do hope you can join me for dinner this evening. I would like to talk with you and have you meet my mate."

"This Sesshoumaru is not interested in dinner."

Toga's frown deepened. It stung a bit - he couldn't remember the last time Sesshoumaru had refused to spend time with him. Was there even such a time? "Still...you need to meet her."

"I am less interested in meeting your human than I am in taking a meal." Sesshoumaru used the word 'human' as if it could easily have been 'festering pile of cow manure' or some other such foul substance.

Toga's eyes narrowed. "It is no longer a request. I will expect you to be present."

Sesshoumaru eyed him coldly. "Very well."

"Further, you will show my mate the respect her station deserves. She will remain here the rest of her mortal life, and I will not have her feeling uncomfortable in her home because of you. Am I perfectly clear?"

"Yes, my Lord Father. She will receive the respect her station deserves and nothing more. Do not expect me to like it nor accept it." Sesshoumaru shot Toga a dark look and stalked out of the room.

Toga debated stopping him, but instead just let him go with a frown and a sigh. Yes, the boy had been cold to him and his dislike of humans was no secret...but he had been properly respectful and not actually said anything out of line, no matter his tone.

He had a feeling dinner was going to be a long and painful experience.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Things turned out pretty much like Toga had expected. He had started to wonder if his son would be arriving at all. He put thoughts of their brief encounter out of his mind and held Izayoi's hand, chatting softly with her about various things. He would spend some time with Sesshoumaru tomorrow...eventually his pup's anger would burn itself out and he would come to accept things a bit more, he was sure.

Their conversation fizzled when Sesshoumaru actually did make his presence known. He barely inclined his head in deference to Toga. "My Lord Father." His gaze shifted slowly to the human female sitting at his side. His expression was blank but his eyes were full of malicious, stabbing icicles.

Toga smiled warmly and tried to salvage the situation. "My Sesshoumaru...this is the Lady Izayoi, my mate. Izayoi, this is my son and Heir, Sesshoumaru."

Izayoi smiled warmly and bowed politely, much more so than custom required. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Lord Sesshoumaru."

Sesshoumaru gave her a slight bow of his head. "Lady Izayoi." After he greeted her, Sesshoumaru sat down and proceeded to remain perfectly still and silent. Toga bit back another sigh and made efforts to resume conversation, although it was difficult with his son's dark presence.

// He thinks he's unhappy now...wait until he hears the news...no sense in keeping it from him. Might as well give him the chance to work out all his ire at once. // "My Sesshoumaru, there is something you should know."

Sesshoumaru slowly turned his gaze to meet Toga's, one eyebrow arching ever so slightly in a silent prod for him to continue.

Toga gave Izayoi's hand an affectionate little squeeze, lending her his support. He knew this was not going to go over well. "In a few more cycles of the moon, you will have a sibling. Izayoi carries my pup."

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened in shock. A thousand emotions shuttered rapid-fire through them before they settled into a cold and nasty glare at Toga. His mokomoko was bristling. Without a word, he got up abruptly, turned, and stalked from the room.

Toga sighed heavily and hooked his arms around his mate, noting her somewhat hurt and confused look. "Do not feel badly, beloved."

"He seems so angry...I never meant to cause any trouble or be a burden."

Toga growled softly. "You are no burden. You are my mate, and I love you. I love my Sesshoumaru as well, but he will simply have to learn to get over this. I will not allow things to continue thus."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sesshoumaru stormed down the hallway to his chambers in a mix of rage and disbelief. Hanyou! His father, eminent and proud, envy of all the demon world, had sired a HANYOU! What in the blue bloody HELL could he have been thinking?!

// Ah, right, he WASN'T...my Lord Father is just as susceptible to this disease called lust and the illusion of something he calls love as any low-bred commoner...I can't believe it. A hanyou! This will be a political nightmare. If he wasn't as strong as he is, he would NEVER get away with disgracing our family line like this. He would be thrown down from his seat of power. How could he taint our bloodline like this? A hanyou will be weak and shameful and will reflect poorly on us. Especially if it's half the abomination that most hanyou are...Damn him for a fool, why?! //

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Toga sighed as he looked out the window. It was a beautiful day. He had hurried to his study, intent on dealing with the day's paperwork as quickly as possible, and then showing Izayoi around the gardens and taking lunch with her. Maybe Sesshoumaru, too, if he could coax the pup out of his anger.

But here he was, a couple hours later, and he had gotten virtually nothing done. Except for sighing, he'd done plenty of THAT. He had become a master at it, he was sure.

The truth was, his fight...or non-fight as it may have been, considering that Sesshoumaru hadn't exchanged words with him...with Sesshoumaru had affected him more deeply than he would have guessed. He couldn't concentrate. For the millionth time, his gaze drifted over to Sesshoumaru's favored couch in the corner. Sesshoumaru never actually disturbed him when he was working and only spoke when he was spoken to. He may as well have been another decoration in the room. But somehow, the lack of his pup's presence was...well, he hated it.

He didn't like being at odds with his son. It was very rare that they fought, and it almost never went without a fast resolution. Most of their disagreements, actually, had practically nothing to do with each other and more with disagreements over the run of the lands. Sesshoumaru would only challenge his decisions if he truly felt they were wrong or in need of changes, and half the time Toga would end up conceding that his pup was correct.

In truth, he was starting to feel rather guilty. In looking back, he realized that, for the past few months, he had been almost wholly ignoring Sesshoumaru. He had been so focused on Izayoi...wondering when he could see her, trying to decide the best way to bring her home, making sure that things would be set up properly for her when she arrived..he had been worried for her and hadn't paid Sesshoumaru much attention at all. The pup hadn't said anything, just quietly went about his business. With a start, Toga realized he had even, more or less, blown off Sesshoumaru's invitations for lunch or various other things. Sesshoumaru was always so cautious with wording things, he never flat out ASKED...he would suggest things, in roundabout sorts of ways. And if you weren't paying proper attention...well, you might miss them.

Toga restrained the urge to slap himself upside the forehead. He hadn't intentionally been ignoring his pup, he just...hadn't been paying him enough attention to read into the heart of the matter. That was a mistake when dealing with Sesshoumaru. The young taiyoukai was extremely cautious and guarded with his true feelings. He always had been. In truth, Toga knew that feeling abandoned and unwanted by his mother had affected his pup deeply. Sesshoumaru had known, even when he was a tiny pup, that there was supposed to be someone besides Toga that loved him unconditionally, a softer and warmer presence. Figuring things out had hurt him.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sesshoumaru squared his tiny shoulders and stood before his father's desk. If he stood on his tip-toes he could see over the massive piece of furniture. He knew he wasn't supposed to interrupt Toga when he was working. What his father did was very important. But this was important too!

Straightening his spine, Sesshoumaru peered over the desk as best he could. "My Lord Father?"

Toga blinked and then lifted himself out of his chair, leaning on his desk so he could face his solemn pup. Sesshoumaru's expression was grave and serious. "Yes, my Sesshoumaru?"

"This Sesshoumaru would speak with you."

Toga hid his amusement at his son's serious, formal manner. He couldn't help it. His pup was only five summers old and already acting as though he were five hundred at times.

"Of course. Do you mind if we move to the couch, though? I am weary and could use the break." He wasn't about to talk to the top of his son's head and wouldn't want to call attention to his inability to see clearly over the desk just yet. If it was so important to his son to act like an adult, he would treat him like one.

Sesshoumaru nodded and sat down in his favorite spot, leaning against a pillow and drawing his knees up towards his chest. He rested his chin on them and frowned ever so slightly.

Warning bells went off in Toga's head a this pup's suddenly vulnerable appearance. Sesshoumaru, even at such a young age, took great care to make himself seem tough and untouchable. It was cute, in most cases, and rather amused Toga. Sesshoumaru ESPECIALLY tried to always look so invulnerable in his presence - his puppy wanted to show off and make him proud. Of course, it was ludicrous...no matter what the pup did, Toga would always love him and be proud of him. "What is wrong, my Sesshoumaru?"

Sesshoumaru chewed his lip for a moment, trying to decide how to phrase what he needed to say. "Why do I not have a mother, my Lord Father? Why did she abandon this Sesshoumaru? Did I do something wrong?"

Toga was shocked. Of all the things that he could have expected - and Sesshoumaru frequently came up with some off-the-wall ideas and theories, especially for someone his age - this was not it. He frowned and then wrapped his arms around his pup, pulling him into his lap and his embrace before he could protest. "No...no, my precious Sesshoumaru...it was nothing you did. It is...complicated."

"Are you going to leave me too?" Sesshoumaru's voice was tiny, wholly unlike him.

"Never!" Toga was horrified to think that his beloved puppy would even have a thought like that enter his mind. He caught Sesshoumaru's chin and lifted it so he could meet his gaze. The sight of tears in those solemn gold eyes made him want to cry himself. "My dear Sesshoumaru...I love you more than life itself. I will never leave you."

How could he explain his mother to the boy? That she had been after him for his power and his land? That, despite all his caution against just such things, she had wormed her way into his heart and convinced him that she loved him? She had even been willing to bear his pup, although he had later found that that had been a way for her to attempt to trap him inescapably.

She wanted no part in motherhood. It was only through accidently overhearing a conversation between her and some of her friends that he had even learned of her deceit. She had laughed with them, called him a pathetic fool for falling into her little web. That had been enough. But when she scowled about being forced to carry about a 'brat to make sure he can't get rid of me', that was the last straw.

In a wounded rage, Toga had confronted her, threatened to throw her out. She shocked him in return, promised that if he threw her out she would kill his pup before it was born. Life had been ugly in the Western Castle for the duration of her pregnancy. In the end, Toga had to chase her down and drag her, literally, kicking and screaming back to his castle when she attempted to flee right before the first pangs of labor hit. She had no intentions of keeping the pup.

It wasn't her choice, in the end. She couldn't stop her body from birthing the child, after all. Toga had honor - even if he hated her, he wouldn't throw a pregnant woman out to the wolves, even if it had not been his pup she carried. After Sesshoumaru's birth, however...when his pup was safely tucked away and she had recovered...THEN Toga had thrown her out. Toga had provided her a place to stay and she had been given means by which to support herself - she had been his mate and Toga had sworn to take care of her for all her days, damned if he wasn't going to keep his word. However, the title of 'former Lady of the West' simply didn't carry the clout that 'Lady of the West' carried.

And in return for his suffering he had been given this precious little puppy. He had poured his heart into raising Sesshoumaru, and indeed, it had healed his own wounds in many ways. It had been hard at times...especially when he discovered that his mother's venom was strong in the boy. Their playful wrestling and a good little chomp from Sesshoumaru had made him wretchedly ill for the rest of the day.

But how could he explain this to his pup? How could he tell him that it was true, his mother wanted nothing to do with him, in fact would have preferred he had never existed? And how...how could his puppy ever think he would do the same?

Sesshoumaru's sad eyes looked at him for a moment. "I...I am sorry to have made you sad, my Lord Father...you don't need to explain it to me."

"Oh, my Sesshoumaru...do not apologize. Your mother was a deceitful creature and she hurt me, too. But that does not mean I will in turn hurt you as well. You did nothing wrong. She was mad at me and wanted to use you to hurt me. Do you understand?"

Sesshoumaru nodded slowly before burying his face in Toga's chest with a shuddery little sigh. Toga stroked his hair and made soothing rumbles in his chest. His heart ached at Sesshoumaru's next words.

"She loved you and it was all a lie. This Sesshoumaru will not let this happen to him. This Sesshoumaru will not let anyone lie to him and hurt him like that. I will not worry about it. Instead, I will grow powerful. I will be the strongest demon ever."

"You cannot keep out all the world, my son. You cannot remain alone forever. Love can be a wonderful thing, truly it can."

"This Sesshoumaru does not need the love of anyone but you."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Toga sighed heavily. Those words had always been burned into his brain. He had assumed, at the time, that the boy would not remember them past the day. He should have known better. Sesshoumaru had taken them to heart. No amount of coaxing, begging, or pleading could make him voluntarily associate with the other children. Oh, many of them tried...and Sesshoumaru would go out to 'play' with them any time Toga more or less shoved him into it...but it was a wasted effort. And as he grew, nothing changed. Sesshoumaru surrounded himself in an untouchable wall of ice and let no one in save for Toga. Toga was as helpless to make his boy change as he was to stop the tides, and eventually gave up trying. He couldn't imagine his son wasn't lonely...but Sesshoumaru had never seemed depressed despite his solitude. He seemed...more or less content. A bit on the power-hungry side, but content.

And now, here he was...facing the knowledge that he, the only one Sesshoumaru let into his carefully guarded fortress, had been ignoring the boy. He did not regret his relationship with Izayoi in any way, but still...he should have realized what he was doing.

// I shall have to find a way to make it up to him...if he will even see fit to speak to me any time soon. //

Soon...didn't come very soon. In fact, it was a couple of weeks before Toga even caught a glimpse of Sesshoumaru.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sesshoumaru had been studiously avoiding his father. He bitterly decided that his father probably wanted to spend more time with his human, anyways, and he would just be getting in the way.

However, his avoidance left him with more than a few problems. He had no idea what to do with himself for the day...or the nights. His entire routine of the past...well, almost all his life....was in upheaval. He spent a lot of time in the library or the training arena. At night, he slept on the roof under the stars, knowing that if he was in his room his father would have eventually come looking.

He was starting to wonder if it was worth it. He missed his father. Even if he was angry with him, he was the one person Sesshoumaru held dear to his heart. Should it really matter so much that his father had taken a human mate? The woman would be dead from old age in the blink of an eye, according to demon standards, and that was only providing that no accidents befell her to end her life sooner.

Sesshoumaru sighed and sat up. He supposed that was the core of it, then. The woman didn't matter...what mattered was that she made his father happy, and in some strange way, he felt ... betrayed. His father had seemed happy enough...he made Sesshoumaru happy....why couldn't Toga be happy as things were? Was he not enough?

And now...even when the human was gone...a hanyou. A permanent mark of his father's lust and love for this human creature, the woman that commanded his attention. Would this hanyou, too, command his father's attention? Would he be replaced? Would Sesshoumaru be missed, then, if he slipped off into the night and did not return? // Damn the hanyou, damn the human woman, and damn these things called love and lust that caused all this mess in the first place! //

With an unhappy little growl, Sesshoumaru flopped back against the roof and stared at the stars until he finally fell asleep.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Time went on, as it was wont to do. There had been an uneasy truce formed. Toga went out of his way to apologize for ignoring Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru apologized - in his indirect way, without actually saying it of course - for his vanishing act. Things went back to something approaching normal. Sesshoumaru hated the way the human woman's scent clung to his father, but did not comment. Toga divided his time between the two of them as best he could.

Izayoi, to her credit, tried extremely hard to earn Sesshoumaru's approval. She was sweet and respectful to a fault, and sent him several invitations to attempt to get to know him better, with or without his father's presence. Sesshoumaru didn't accept any of them. He knew that even if he DID go, it would be awkward and uncomfortable...and Sesshoumaru simply did not wish to associate with her. Izayoi finally gave up and accepted Sesshoumaru's cool disdain as the best response she was likely to get.

Izayoi did not sleep in his father's chambers, which surprised Sesshoumaru. She didn't feel entirely comfortable in the large, dark room with the massive square bed that Sesshoumaru so loved. It was insanely comfortable and piled ridiculously high with blankets and furs and pillows. The room was always pleasantly cool and the heavy drapes let in only the barest sunlight at high noon. Sesshoumaru couldn't even count the times he had slunk into that bed to sleep over the years - sometimes, when he was little with a valid excuse of being frightened by a nightmare or a bad storm...others, when he was older, with more feeble excuses. Finally he gave up coming up with excuses and just occasionally did it anyways when he felt too lonely in his own room. There was nothing intimate about it - Toga's bed could easily fit ten people across without any having to be cramped. Sesshoumaru just..liked being near him, that was all.

Things got rather ugly again when it got near to the time for Izayoi to birth her pup. Toga began to fret and worry and treat her as if she might break. Try as he might, he could not locate a human midwife to come to his castle and care for her properly during the actual birth. Humans and demons were not that different, but he did not want to risk damage being done to her.

It was decided that he would bring her to her home castle for the actual birthing. Initially, he had intended to stay there with her, but it was not to be. Shortly after he left her at her castle, Toga's lands were attacked by a horrendously powerful dragon youkai by the name of Ryukotsusei which had been silently gathering its power over the years. With gritted teeth, Toga shot off to deal with the menace.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The battle was long and raged on for two days straight. Ryukotsusei was a fearsome opponent. Toga was already tired from the long journey, and this beast was resisting most of his attacks. Even a powerful demon like Toga could be worn down given enough time.

That is not to say Ryukotsusei was winning their fight. Surviving assaults and winning the battle were different matters entirely. The dragon had scored several minor hits, but most of them had been accidental - such as shrapnel from the blasts of lightning that he spat.

Toga growled inwardly. Something was not right and he knew it. His mate was in danger, and here he was, stuck in never-ending combat with this wretched dragon. He could FEEL the sense of wrongness in him, nibbling away at his heart like a cancer.

Ryukotsusei noticed Toga's distraction with no small amount of glee and lunged. Toga snapped back to attention, but it was too late. The dragon caught him in his jaws and bit viciously, with all the pressure he could muster. The powerful inu taiyoukai's scream was music to his ears, and no blood had ever tasted so sweet...

Abruptly, the dragon's jaws were forced open so wide that they would have broke had he not spat the suddenly transformed inuyoukai out. Toga wasted no time in whirling on the dragon, smashing him into a rock and driving his claw into the beast's heart. Ryukotsusei wailed as his body slowly stopped responding to his command, overcome by the seal Toga had placed on him.

It was with some difficulty that Toga snapped free his claw. He sank slowly to the snowy ground for a long moment, wheezing. His injuries were severe.

He forced himself to his feet. He had to return home and quickly. He had to inform Sesshoumaru of Ryukotsusei's fate...and then he had to see to Izayoi.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sesshoumaru was surprised when a messenger arrived, informing him that his father wished to meet him on the cliffs near the sea and did not have time to return home. The younger taiyoukai frowned. This was a strange request, surely. With a sigh he took off.

It was dark by the time he reached the shore. He saw his father staring out at the crashing waves. Sesshoumaru's eyes widened as he smelled his father's blood...a lot of it. His eyes were drawn to the growing red puddle staining the snow-covered ground. "My Lord Father...?"

"The demon Ryukotsusei has been sealed. I did not have the strength nor time to finish him off, but he will trouble these lands no longer. I must go. Something is wrong. Izayoi needs me."

Sesshoumaru scowled darkly. "My Lord Father, you are wounded. Do not be so foolish. You can't fight off anything in your condition. You need to rest."

"My mate needs me, Sesshoumaru."

Sesshoumaru growled softly. "It is always about this human woman, isn't it? You would risk your very life to fight off an imagined threat? She is safe in her castle. Don't be ridiculous."

"Ridiculous? You do not understand, my Sesshoumaru, for you have never loved someone."

"A strong demon like you should have no need of such worthless emotions! Only one can stand at the top, and they must stand alone."

Toga turned to regard his son. "That is a sad way to look at life. Do you truly desire power so much, my son?"

"It is all that is worth it. Someday, I shall defeat even you. Or should I, too, debase myself by rutting with a filthy human?"

"Watch yourself, Sesshoumaru!" Toga growled softly.

"I believe it is YOU who are in the wrong here, my Lord Father. Perhaps you are not so strong as I have assumed you are! You are attached to this despicable creature and have sired an abomination by her! You have tainted our bloodline!"

"Damn it, Sesshoumaru! I do not understand what has made you so hateful. She has done nothing to you, nor has our child. It will be your sister or brother."

"I will claim no relation to a filthy hanyou. I will kill the thing."

Toga's eyes blazed in true fury at Sesshoumaru, and his tone was colder than Sesshoumaru's worst. "If you were ever to do such a thing, then I would have no son."

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened in shock and hurt. His father would disown him in favor of an unborn hanyou?...

Toga couldn't stand that look, nor did he really want to look at Sesshoumaru right now at all. He was tolerant of his son's mannerisms, but he did not want to think him THAT cold. Surely Sesshoumaru would never go THAT far... "I must leave."

"Do you insist on going, my Lord Father?" Sesshoumaru frowned, clearly showing his disapproval at the idea.

"Will you stop me, Sesshoumaru? "

"I won't try to stop you. However, before you go...please entrust the swords, Sounga and Tetsusaiga, to me."

Toga sighed to himself, closing his eyes. He knew this was Sesshoumaru's way of further insulting him, claiming he didn't think him capable of doing as he must and returning. "And if I say I won't, will you kill me? Your own father? Do you desire power so much?" Toga was silent for a long moment. "Why do you seek power?"

"The path I walk is the Way of Supreme Conquest. And it is power that will reveal the way for me."

"The Way of Supreme Conquest, huh? Tell me, Sesshoumaru...have you someone to protect?"

"Someone to protect?..." Sesshoumaru stared at him. What a ridiculous idea. "This Sesshoumaru has no need of such."

Toga allowed his beast to take over then, roaring as he felt the transformation cruelly shifting his injuries about. He was weaker than he wanted to admit. Without pausing to look at his eldest son, he bounded off the cliff.

"Hn...Ridiculous..." Sesshoumaru scowled darkly, before turning and heading back for the castle.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Toga's sense of haste only increased the closer he got to Izayoi's castle. Something was wrong. His mate needed him, needed him NOW. He would worry about his rebellious, angry son when he got home.

He let himself shift back to his humanoid form as he approached the wall. Through the fog he could see the guards. They gave a shout when they noticed him. They had been waiting for him. It only confirmed his suspicions.

He unleashed a Wind Scar as he flew towards the wall. A hail of arrows greeted him as he began his forward charge. Most of them missed. He deflected a few, but felt the bite of a few more. His movements were slow, too slow. He had lost too much blood, was too severely injured.

Tetsusaiga flared a brilliant gold as he threw another Wind Scar, never halting his forward momentum as he launched himself through the hole he had made in the outer wall. He shouted for Izayoi, but received no answer.

A lone warrior stood before him, in his way. "So you've come, demon! A little late, though."

"What?" Toga growled, whirling to face the human fully.

"Lady Izayoi is in a place beyond your reach. I sent her there myself."

"Damn you, fool!" Toga growled and lunged forward at a dead run, even as the human began drawing his weapon and charging to meet him. He wasted no time with him. One rapid, brutal strike of Tetsusaiga severed the man's arm. Toga darted up the stairs into the castle

He heard the human give the orders for the mansion to be burned, and the hiss of arrows striking the walls. Almost instantly the place was alight. Toga didn't care. All that mattered was finding his mate. The cries of a baby drew him forward as well. // My child?! //

He tore aside the flaming curtains surrounding his mate. "Izayoi!" His heart almost broke when he smelled her blood, saw the stillness of her chest. The human HAD killed her, then. Cradled next to her was a tiny, crying baby...his son.

Without wasting another moment, he yanked Tenseiga from its sheathe. "I'm counting on you, Tensaiga..." One vicious slash was all it took to destroy the imps from the netherworld. He watched in relief as the blood faded and his mate's eyes flickered open.

Toga pulled the Fire-Rat cloth from his haori and quickly wrapped it around his mate to protect her from the flames. They needed to get out of here, now. A sound drew his attention to the entryway. It was that damnable human....the one that had dared kill his mate in the first place. And now, he seemed intent on stopping them from leaving.

The human stalked forward slowly. "I have no regrets since I am fighting you. Let us journey together to the netherworld!"

// This is how it ends, then. Ah, it had to happen sometime... // Slowly, he turned spared Izayoi a glance. "Live."

"My dearest...!" she gasped in desperation, realizing that Toga did not plan on making it out of there alive. Indeed, she could see his haori was dripping with blood, the slight tremor in his limbs. // No! //

"Inuyasha..." he said finally, watching the human approach.

"What?" The human demanded, still approaching them.

"The infant's name. The infant shall be named Inuyasha." If he could give his son nothing else, he would give him a name.

"Inuyasha?" Izayoi whispered, looking at the child. Oh, he looked so like his father...well, save for the adorable silver ears on his head and lack of markings. There was something...softer...about him than his sire, and she assumed there always would be.

"Now go!" Toga demanded, tightening his grip on Sounga. Dammit, they had to leave before this foolish human or the burning building was the death of them, and his sacrifice was in vain!

"Yes..." Izayoi managed before turning to flee.

Toga felt as if a weight had been lifted off him as he raised Sounga, the hell-dragon coiling out from the blade. At least his death was not in vain... // Izayoi, you must live...live a long life... // With a grin, the taiyoukai charged at the human, their blades clashing. Toga knew it was his last fight, and he held back nothing.

He ran the foolish human through even as the burning building collapsed on him, crushing him under its weight. He felt a heavy rafter snap his spine, but the pain was fleeting and distant. It felt more like pressure, really...or like it was happening to someone else and he somehow felt echoes of it. His vision began to dull and fade as he finally relaxed and let go. Unlike the foolish human, though...he had his regrets.

// I only wish I could have seen you grow up and been there for you, Inuyasha. And oh, my Sesshoumaru...I am sorry. You should never have had to lead this young. I fear you are not ready, but you will have to be. I love you so much, my son, my precious pup...even if we were at odds, you must know you were my world. I only hope you can find a way to be happy...//

The last shuddering breath escaped him then and the great Inu no Taisho finally gave in to death.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sesshoumaru lashed out angrily with his light whip at a tree in the garden. The tree shivered for a minute before toppling to one side, cut clean through. The destruction of the vegetation did nothing to ease Sesshoumaru's foul mood.

It had been two days, and his father had yet to return with his human wench or the wailing abomination that was to be his sibling. Perhaps there had been complications with her labor, or her delivery was late in coming? Sesshoumaru didn't care, didn't really want to think about it.

Myouga approached him slowly. He had been watching Sesshoumaru stalk through the gardens and he really didn't know how to relay his message....nor would he put it past Sesshoumaru to be the type to kill the messenger! But it had to be done. "Lord Sesshoumaru?"

Sesshoumaru paused and turned slowly, his sharp eyes noting the diminutive form as it hopped up to stand on the fountain, so the flea was nearer to eye level. Sesshoumaru cocked an eyebrow, giving the flea a chance to continue, even though he was sure he had no interest in whatever the thing had to tell him. Likely a message from his father, no doubt, explaining his delay.

"L-Lord Sesshoumaru...it...I..."

"Spit it out, flea. This Sesshoumaru has no time to waste with your stuttering."

Myouga slowly drew himself up, trying hard to conceal his own grief at the loss of his friend. "Lord Sesshoumaru, it is...with my deepest and most sincere regrets that I...I must inform you that your Lord Father w-was...your Lord Father has fallen."

Sesshoumaru froze. All the strength drained from him. He was aware that his jaw had fallen, that his eyes were huge and locked on the flea...but he couldn't bring himself to move. The words echoed and rebounded in his brain. Surely, there had to be some mistake! It...no, this wasn't possible. It just couldn't be!

"I...th...the arrangements for his passing have been carried out according to his wishes. I...I tried to stop him, Lord Sesshoumaru..."

Sesshoumaru didn't even hear Myouga anymore. He was in something of a daze as he slid back into the castle and walked down the hall. It wasn't a joke. This was real.

He didn't know where he was going until he found himself standing in his father's bedchamber. His sire's scent was strong here, heavy and soothing. // For now...and then it will fade. He is...gone. //

Sesshoumaru sat heavily on the end of the bed, staring at the floor. How could this have happened? His Lord Father...dead? The one person that he let care for him, let himself love...gone. He should have stopped him! He supposed he could have...his father had been severely injured. But not only would his sire have never forgiven him...Sesshoumaru hadn't truly thought his father could DIE. It was a preposterous notion...

It hit him like a punch to the gut. He had said horrible things to his father before he left...had been treating him horribly ever since his mate had arrived just because he was jealous. And his father had looked at him with so much burning anger, his voice had been so cold as he threatened to disown him.

His Lord Father, the most important person in his life, had died believing he hated him...had died with disgust and anger for him.

That was more than Sesshoumaru could take. He felt the lump in his throat break into a keening whine as he curled up in the middle of the bed, clutching his father's favorite pillow to his chest as wrenching sobs overtook him.

// Oh, gods, my Lord Father...no...please, don't leave me. I am so sorry. I will do anything...I give all my life to sacrifice, but please...do not leave me. Do not hate me. I need you, I love you. How can I ever go on without you?.. please...you promised never to leave me...please...I'm so sorry... //

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sesshoumaru's grief was long, and it was a full day and night before he emerged from the room. None of the servants dared approach him or even come anywhere near him. Sesshoumaru's eyes were colder and less compassionate than ever. He automatically took to his duties as if nothing had occurred, sending out official documents to inform the other lords that he was the new Lord in light of his father's passing.

The rumors reached his ears soon enough of how cold he was, to not so much mention his Lord Father's passing in any way that was not directly related to business...that he simply moved on with his solitary existence. Sesshoumaru paid them no heed. He did not care. They did not understand. The lands would not wait for his grief, for his sorrow, for his heartbreak to mend...if ever it would. Sesshoumaru doubted it. He cursed himself for a fool. He had been right all along, then. Love brought nothing but pain. He had sworn to his Lord Father he would never succumb to such things, and yet he had after all, hadn't he?

If people assumed he had been cold before, he was utterly frigid now. Sesshoumaru dealt with his problems ruthlessly but effectively. He was not cruel to his people, no... but he surely was not a kind lord. He took care of his lands, but did not show any love for them. It did not take long for the challenges to begin. Several assumed he was too young, too weak to rule...or would give in without a fight, not caring for his father's kingdom enough.

They paid with their lives for their mistakes. Sesshoumaru fought his way to the top and he stayed there, proving he was his father's son, even if he did not display his father's compassion.

Sesshoumaru displayed no emotions during the day, but for weeks afterwards he would cry like a newborn pup as he lay, curled up in his father's bed, consumed with his grief. Logically he knew it was preposterous, but he began to blame Izayoi and his hanyou brother for his father's death. Had he not run off to rescue them after being so wounded, he would still be alive.

// Curse the human and the filthy half-breed...they took him from me... I will kill them both for tainting our bloodline, for poisoning my Lord Father's mind to the point he threw away his life...! Oh, my Lord Father, why....//

Over time, the choking grief had passed and turned into a sharp spike of pain always in Sesshoumaru's heart, but no longer threatening to consume him. Despite that, he still spent most of his nights in Toga's bedchamber. He would not allow any of the servants to come near the room on pain of death and almost killed the ones who suggested they move his things to that room since he spent so much time in it.

No, Sesshoumaru would not allow anyone else in. He kept everything precisely the way Toga had left it. He would sleep curled up in the bed or stare at the familiar ceiling until dawn came. Always when he woke it felt as though he died a little inside, especially at first....when he would awake in these familiar and comfortable surroundings to find he was alone and it hadn't been a cruel dream.

He did his jobs, and he performed all the functions of a lord with impeccable grace and infallible cunning. He was the perfect picture of a demon lord - cold, aloof, beautiful and powerful. He was feared and hated and desired and respected. He had attained much of the power he craved.

And for all that, not one of them knew the truth. Sesshoumaru was lost and lonely, his heart a barren wasteland of despair. On the night his father died, a big part of him had died as well, and he knew he would never be the same again.

He would not allow anyone to see inside him again. He would not suffer again. There was only room for one at the top, and he would stand alone.


End file.
